Good Fortunes (and some lame ones, too) or, Where Pete Goes All Seinfeld on Your Asses

Threw my bad fortune off of the top of a tall building…

PJ Harvey, Good Fortune

I’ve been collecting fortune cookie fortunes for a couple of months now from the Chinese place near the office where I eat about once a week or so. Not to go all Seinfeld on you or anything, but have you ever noticed the varying quality of the fortunes stuck in those things?

Take this for example:


It’s a nice thought, but it’s like they’re not really trying. It does have the quality of a fortune in that it attempts to foretell the future, but it’s also a fifty-fifty shot in the dark. I will, or I won’t, enjoy good health. What’s good health? Vibrancy, or just being cancer, diabetes and heart disease-free?

Then there’s this one:


It’s better—it’s not a fortune, but it is funny.

Another one that’s pretty lame:


Confucius say Donald Trump in wrong business.

This one had instructions that required immediate action:


It didn’t say anything about actually winning the lotto, though.

My favorite fortune of all time:


It’s a proper fortune, it has a suggestion on where success might lie with me, and it’s not a fifty-fifty absolutist dichotomy. It guides me to a field where I may choose to prosper. A field that is not boring, but whacky. Gotta love it.

And the most recent one, which is sending me straight to the lotto store to play the numbers on the back:


“An unexpected event will soon bring you fortune.” See you at the lotto!

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